Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
