You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
