i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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