and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
