Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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