I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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