I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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