I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
