with your own penis?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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