If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sext me about skeletons
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
