A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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