I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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