I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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