.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
