i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
