Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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