I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it because I queefed?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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