Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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