You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
