Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
