conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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