It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i out mim tonsoeep
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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