i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
