I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
