I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
