Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
