Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
