Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
