I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
