Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
