Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
