hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
