so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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