Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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