I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
