i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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