If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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