I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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