I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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