I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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