if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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