so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
