Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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