Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Pooping to opera.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
