It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
