Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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