smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
