first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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