Whod you bang
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
