The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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