You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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