Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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