if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
