Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
