If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
