Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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