My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Mom said you looked used
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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