I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm at about main and main street
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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