Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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