I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
