...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
