Already got asked if we're dating
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
