She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
