Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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