I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
