my mouth tastes like poor choices
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
