How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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