This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
