it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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