these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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