i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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