If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
